Fear Not

2011 was a difficult year. If you frequent the stories of my life captured, it is not a surprise that I say as much. My 20's have generally been a challenging and exciting mixture of pure joy and deep, sometimes painful, change. I had been warned that my 20's were going to be that kind of season and have heard I'm not the only one who uses these words to explain this decade of life. But as I've reflected on 2011, I've noticed some of my bravery got lost, made a few wrong turns, and my confidence changed how it wanted to operate, moving from a shout to a whisper. I think in a good way....

My dad often recounts a story he remembers of me as a child. As a sentimental kind of guy who finds great joy in his girls, you should know I've heard this story an incredible amount of times... :)

He starts the story letting us all know that I was rather fearless as a child and acknowledges my desire to test the limits at any given moment in those days. So far, you're not surprised if you know me at all. I was very fond of the climbing toy that was our 1984 Chevy Caprice Classic station wagon in cool blue. As a wee little lass, about 4 or 5, I used to make sure the back swinging trunk door to the wagon was locked, used my bony little knee for leverage, and climbed up the back of that beauty, getting myself to the roof. Once I made my way to the top, I'd quickly shuffle on all fours to the main event at the edge of the front windshield. I'd shift my little self and sit right down on the roof, catapulting my booty down the windshield as if it were my very own smooth sailing slide. This would be repeated until the neighbor called my parents, I'm sure shaming them for not keeping the closest eye on their youngest trouble maker. Poor things had their hands full with me as a kid!

Truth told, we had a normal slide on the jungle gym in the backyard, but I needed a bigger adventure! Certainly there was no fear - not even getting into trouble for the umpteenth time.

Over the years, like most of us, my feisty self has gone a little soft. The more I run into rejection, failure, conflict, and pain, the more fear desires to win out. It creeps in through the little lies Satan speaks in shrouded tones. It finds the insecurities that linger and makes them bigger than they need to be. Fear identifies the ways I am not experiencing God and replaces His truth with my ever shifting emotions in my relationship with Him. Fear takes away my bravery, stealing the confidence I know I can have in Christ.

2011 was littered with moments of fear as ministry was labeled failure when God still opened my eyes to some of it's successes. Fear of the future stared me down as unemployment lingered and vocational shifts ensued. Fear captured my heart when grieving life's pains and in anticipating yet another cross-country move. Fear tried to grip my soul from being reminded of the one whose perfect love could cast it out in an instant. Yet somehow, holding on to fear made it sometimes feel like I could control it. Thank God, He is a rescuer.

God sees my mess and nods His head knowingly, understanding what was and what is to come. He's not surprised by my past and has allowed it in my story. His perfect love has given me grace and faith that can be confident in a hope that is eternal, if I let go. Fear has been an enemy of faith, love, hope, trust, and peace. Truth, however, has called me into a deeper trust.

If it is true, and I believe that it is, that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion, than I can loosen the grip I have on my life and let God take my fear. His love, grace, and truth enable me to dream, rest, and hope in the eternal comfort to come. His work in me will never be done as I need a new redemption every day.

In the meantime I can keep climbing life's station wagons and ask for faith like a child.

Philippians 1:6
⁶ And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

2 Thessalonians 2:15-17
¹⁵ With all these things in mind, dear brothers and sisters, stand firm and keep a strong grip on the teaching we passed on to you both in person and by letter. ¹⁶ Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, ¹⁷ comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say.